Long time no Blog. The intrepid customer-centric marketer has been crossing swords with the greatest and, at the same time, testing the theory that most CRM infrastructures are just conflict resolution systems that fail when the business lacks a customer-centric system of values:

Adobe:
My Acrobat auto-updater downloaded a version incompatible with my system and I lost my Professional functionality completely. It took 6 weeks for Adobe to escalate to a point where they sent me (2?) replacement CDs but then refused to give me a licence number to install it (my base install was part of an Adobe Suite licence number, not a dedicated Acrobat licence).

Adobe's call centre keeps you on hold for an average of 45 mins per call with bad muzak and you cannot get a direct dial for anyone handling your case. And they call you on their own time zone (wherever they are, which means voice-mail between 6 pm and midnight). Since my Adobe Suite was not quite up-to-date I was told off for not upgrading sooner.

My Adobe CRM Score: –100

Bell Canada:

When Bell transferred 7 lines to my new office location in Feb 06 they failed to transfer the DSL switch together with the line. So I had 2 weeks with no line-synch (no Internet) while Bell kept testing the DSL at the old location and reporting that everything worked fine. When they finally agreed to send out an engineer he discovered their goof and fixed it lickety-split. 18 months later I still have not paid the $675 line transfer fee (plus interest and late charges) and have transferred all but my DSL line to Allstream.

Finally, the Executive Office, via a nudge from Michael Sabia no less (I will crusade to the highest echelons in my search for supplier integrity) Bell agreed to waive all late fees and half of the line transfer charges. What was their side of the argument? The hard lines always had dial-tone, so the line transfer fee should be paid. 50% is small compensation for all my aggravation. I am still waiting for the documentation and cheque.

My Bell Canada CRM score: –50

Direct Energy:

After barraging the studio all Summer of 2006 with hard-selling door-to-door, lock-up-your-price-for-5-years, salespeople, I got rid of them by agreeing to sign up, to reject the confirmation 10 days later as per their licensing policy. Lo and behold to find out 6 months later that I was on a fixed price contract at the peak rate. My first call required them to produce evidence of a contract. 10 days later this was faxed to me. I then tasked the CRM guy to check if I had confirmed acceptance, as per their policy. Another 10 days later he confirmed that I had actually cancelled the policy but it was put in force anway. I am still waiting for the cheque to reimburse me for the difference.

My Direct Energy CRM score: –35

Visa:

So I moved offices in Feb 2006. In Feb 2007 I cancelled my mail forwarding address contract with Canada Post. Visa had still not managed to change my billing address in their system, until I called them in May because my card was declined at retail. Why? Because all statements still went to the old address. After 4 phone calls Visa actually managed to change my address. Consequently, I paid the balance less the interest accumulated. Visa refuses to credit the interest. My bank refuses to let this affect my credit rating. I refuse to use the card any more until they nix the interest.

My Visa CRM score: –150

Canada Post

I received a cancellation of delivery notice unless we relocated our mailbox to a safer location. On calling the distribution centre it appears that our mailman broke a wrist. It was winter and snowbound. The mailman blamed us for his suffering. On principle I surveyed the scene and noted footprints that crossed the tree-lined separation between my and my neighbors house and saw evidence of a heavy fall in the snow occasioned by not using the path. Since the supervisor was adamant that we were at fault, I videoed the evidence and took it to the distribution centre. On production of the evidence the supervisor agreed to investigate further and a few days later confirmed that the mailman had made an unpermitted short cut through the trees, tripped on a root and smashed his wrist in the fall. Our mail delivery resumed without further interruption.

My Canada Post CRM score: –20

In case you were wondering, there is a positive value index to my ratings but none of these companies got even close to a neutral 0.00. There are too many humorous anecdotes to mention, so I have summarized these experiences simply to warn companies - CRM isn't worth much if you don't have a backbone of customer-centric values to boot.